Dream About Me

I get lost in my dreams, but I never stop dreaming.

Thoughts remind me in the morning that I am still human, not an animal.

Painting faces, coloring worlds but my own.

Save the best for last.

Yet my dreams swim alone in dark rooms, pretending.

Pretending it’s a world full of city streets and candles.

I don’t know what happens inside them.

I wish I could.

I wish I did call my dreams, late in the night.

Talk endlessly, living in self-mirages.

I wish I could hear its voices, in my head.

Guiding path of wonder and illusion of what’s to come.

dream

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Bearers

We don’t need permission, just the blessings of the universe.

Nothing can prevent it, not even distance between us.

It’s only the connection we need.

A bond that grows stronger with each passing cloud.

Never to be broken, or thrown away.

What if we fight?

What if we grow distant?

What if we lose sight?

You asked, tears running its course down your eyes.

I failed to answer.

Not for lack of a response, but because I was ready.

To fight for this unbreakable bond, eternally.

To the heavens and back, to hell and straight back, I was ready.

A warm embrace was I could afford.

A journey we both needed to mold together.

A journey of enlightenment needed no rush.

You needed assurances, I had commitment.

You needed security; I had but my soul only to give.

You needed the world; I had but the universe’s vibration to offer.

I became a bearer of some sorts, opening up his soul.

A damaged soul that became light.

A damaged soul that reached deep within, that became love.

So that when you ever lose sight of our love, just look within me.

So that when you ever feel the distant, come and travel beyond me into our universe.

So that when we ever fight, it will be battle to be stopped before it begins.

I bear the silver platter, of tears and battles.

The greatest of them tears would be the tears of seeing you break into oblivion where love doesn’t exist.

Yet, deep down, you bear the power to see a state of equilibrium.

A balance of love and peace, cosigned within the universe itself.

So who are we to never meet, yet the universe needs us to.

No matter where you are, I’m right here.

No matter where I am, you’ll always be right here.

Because as long as we search for the end of the universe,

We will never cease to be the bearers of each other.

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Ropes

It comes rushing in.

Like a beacon of hope, of a cure long waited for.

Like the ranting, of a populous crowd, suddenly stops.

Like a warm ambiance suddenly being ice cold.

Like a tiger finally breathing in, holding on to a breath before jumping on a prey.

Nothing else seems to matter.

Like blood boiling to its temporal points.

It pounces on you.

It doesn’t matter if you called to it.

It just rushes in, devouring every inch of every nerve.

It is more than a want, less of a basic need.

You didn’t need it, but now that it’s there, you can’t seem to go your lifetime without.

You’re courageous, but it seems not to recognize that.

On a constant feeding, never ending to your limits.

Sweat builds up, bringing satisfactory feeling.

Of a position you wanted to be in for so long.

But there you were, next to the edge of the bridge.

Sure with each passing inhale, and exhale.

So you jump.

Sure enough you won’t fly, but trusting enough something will pull you up.

The rope tied to your body.

A security of assurance that once it’s over, it’ll be scrapped off your bucket list.

That rush of adrenaline, the moment you step of a bungee jump.

Realizations creep in, there’s a limit of how low can you go.

The sky has never been a limit.

The cringing limit of how low you can go before bouncing back up is the real question of your ropes to answer.

ropes

 

Walkway To His Heaven

“I still remember the day I left him.

It was cold.

Not your typical cold weather, but my heart was cold.

Full of anger and possibilities of fun, I convinced myself he didn’t need me.

He didn’t need my loved-filled heart.

He needed to blossom.

And the only way was if he didn’t have my baggage.

You see, my beauty and think what baggage would I possibly have?

My constant nagging, my constant drinking, my constant shopping, my constant male friends!

You see, my heart was cold, and full of fun visions.

His was warm, and full of visions.

Even constant calls wasn’t enough, he still texted, cared, loved me.

But I didn’t need him, apart from the occasional steams of passions.

He was amazing, I wasn’t.

He said I was 99% angel and cared less of the 1% devil.

I said he should worry. The 1% was part of each of the 99% angel.

He forgave my young heart even when I indulged deeper into pleasures.

I needed more roughness around the steamy edges.

Then, I saw him walk by the other day!

Lovely strides I thought.

The kinds that make you want with desire.

Then a lady approached him, simple to the eye, sophisticated to the mind.

I never saw any beauty that matched to hers; I’m still impressed, to date.

She hugged him, kissed him lightly on his soft lips; I remember their taste so vividly.

How I wish I had them next to my neck, breathing gentle warm air as he talks about his world.

I was destroyed, crumbled from within.

She, all the while carried a small child, seemingly theirs.

My heart grew softer, warmer.

A tear dropped right out of his heaven’s gates.

Yes, he called my eyes the gates to a walkway to his heaven.

I turned around, and walked away to the path I came with.

Holding on tightly to a shopping bag filled with a drunk’s shopping.

A faint whisper of a child calling him daddy broke my heart.

Carried by the winds, to torment me I presumed.

It broke, to a thousand pieces.

I guess that’s how he felt when I left.”

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She’s Ready, Again.

She wants, to build her wings again, and again.

The tailored-soft touches running on her bare skin, again.

A vibrant heart it was, yearning to be held, again.

She didn’t mind it took her long, her patience paid off, again.

What mattered was her time came, to stretch out her wings, again.

Her soul burnt in its own fire, calmed down by his mere presence, again.

The masterpiece of creations was their ultimate desire, again.

He took his time, in every muscle, with every feather, to get her ready, again.

A stare so deep, it held them steady, each breath came with courage to fly, again.

Goosebumps replaced her maiden skin; she’ll no longer be alone, again.

A heart that need a key, but she wasn’t ready to search, again.

Little not knowing that he saw it, she was the key, again.

Not to unlock another’s heart, but to unlock her true nature, again.

Releasing a much waited upon energy, feeding the earth with rains, again.

Eyes filled water, to rain down her face, again.

They awakened their minds’ desires, yet she needed to see it on her own first, again.

Tired of running, she was tired of holding onto deadweight, again and again.

Their lips locked, she released herself from her misery, again.

She won, in the darkness, again.

Getting there at the exact moment was perfect, she reminded herself, again.

His hand slid down her waist, grabbing onto her, again.

A moment’s worth of feeling, cherished now, and again.

Her wings spread across the distance, eager to scurry the skies yet again.

Far more than yearning of his lips, his love, the urge to fly with him rose, again.

Against all odds!

Against all wars!

Against all breaking points!

Against all her past!

Her future was right there with them, ready to be nurtured, ready to be flown with them.

She was ready to step off the mountain, and fly, again!

broken wings

To My Friend

An open letter to my dear friend who wants to commit suicide.

Hallo human,

They say it’s courteous to introduce yourself. But I’m guessing in this instance it’s not necessary because we have interacted in some way, which is why i am penning this in the first place.

Pardon me, but i will probably apologize, too much.

I’m sorry i have not been there for you. At times i just get caught up, you know, in my own my battles i forget you need me.

I’m sorry my phone is off and your calls go unanswered, most times when you need me.

I would lie and say i was asleep, but maybe i was just getting love or wasted. Or I just didn’t want to talk to anyone.

You might want to ask me why I didn’t call back, so please don’t! As saying i forgot will suck!

I ‘m sorry you want out.

I ‘m sorry life is just cruel and you can’t deal.

Trust me; i know what that is like.

Sorry your partner abuses you!

Sorry your partner cheated!

Sorry you do everything for them but they keep taking you for granted.

Sorry no one likes you.

Sorry your friends never see you.

Sorry I suck and keep forgetting about you.

I ‘m SORRY for everything, I really am.

But then again, I know you can put that razor down!

You can flush, all pills or whatever poison fancies you want to ingest, down the toilet.

Not many people can go through what you have.

I applaud you honey. And most of all, we have a come a long way, TOGETHER.

Both you and me. . . . So please don’t leave me? I know i am not your best friend or friend. You have neither!

I know i am just one of these inked girls on the Internet, but i actually get your pain.

You know i do.

So please stay with me . . . Don’t do it.

Nothing lasts forever! And so your pain will vanish.

 

With love,

Your Dear Friend.sad-crying

 

Last Night

Last night, you were still there.

Behind the curtain walls, you smiled a disastrously light smile.

Today, as I walked down the stairs, you reminded me.

That you of all would hardly leave, you could have guessed my outright reaction.

Tomorrow, the Sun will shine, brighter than any star embedded deep in your fiery eyes.

Last night, I dined on privileges far reaching beyond my short sightedness.

I was utterly abashed with my inexperience, but I kept up with my eager learning.

Today, the change was overwhelming.

Dismayed, I had to put two and two together as they unfolded.

Tomorrow, always brought with it hope of a continuity of a journey.

Until now, I held firmly to roads less traveled, are better traveled alone!

Last night, you took it upon yourself to change that.

You fascinated over how an eagle was perfectly embodied into its environment.

Today, i engrossed myself in how such a journey lead to its mightiness in the sky.

The very elements of nature, shaping its journey, nurturing its ways, bring it to survival.

Tomorrow, as lay my eyes upon your graced innovated beauty, a blue-star diamond.

A distorted notion, ends can never justify the means.

Last night, you stood high and mighty, infuriated!

By the needs that never come, I was to provide it all, insufficiency on my path.

Today, however!

Charged with allure of being amazed with what you exactly needed versus what you exactly had, were one of the same.

Tomorrow, those stars filled in her tenacious eyes, will resolute.

And hold me captive as I drop down on my knees.

Last night, you finally saw me.

In warmth, I was immersed in its purest form of oblivion, your beauty of a blue-star diamond.

Today, the world smiled back.

From within, it consumed, a consuming fire so beautiful and ugly, it raged.

Tomorrow was light hours away.

Ice, in a cold heart that sought warmth, not the fire that resided in your eyes drew me closer.

Last night, it was accelerated fire, leaving behind nothing but dark soot remains.

Once pale, now it was shielded by a thin veil of authentic truth.

Today, love licks it all off, the soot.

A blazing inferno of cold ice draws me closer, always and forever.

Tomorrow, all that would have survived after its staggering speeds was mine to discover.

What was once beautiful was an enigmatically mysterious beauty now.

Last night, I knew I had forever to be astounded by it.

I wasn’t to off to be blamed as it had finally come to be picked up by me.

Today, it’d go through your slithering soft maiden heart finger.

A symbolic two dolphin-encrusted blue-star diamond ring, to you, to let you be cautious that we needed forever!

Tomorrow would be another day.

Continuously learning to be learnt, of why you said yes, rather than No.

But men, just pause…

Last night, we discovered a something!

Of splitting it into two, each carried by the other, split into always and forever!

Today, was our always!

Always of never being apart!

Tomorrow was ours, forever!

Forever of always being together!

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Chased Down

Let me chase you down, because of your aesthetic beauty.

Into the Okavango wetlands, to the scorching sands of Sahara deserts.

Let me trace the inches of your soft, intriguing mind.

To be trapped, in between your thought and motions, your feelings and emotions.

Let me look, deep enough to the furthest stare in your galaxy eyes.

To be lost, then I would find that I’ve been searching for.

Let me see the angle, to which the universe comes at you,

Into our conscious talks, until I can’t talk no longer.

Let me be driven hours on end, constantly ready.

To be awake in your seeming less mind, traversing around adversities,

Let me see a flicker of hope, seeing it lighting up.

To be courageous enough, making conceptual leaps to discover new vastness,

Let me ride, just hard enough for you to cultivate me into your circle.

Into the long waits, of calming fires I knew nothing about.

Let me fill up an overflowing cup, showing how broken it is on its edges.

Yet none is lost, it’s serenity to be lost.

Let me feed, into your soul.

To be nourished, I just can’t admit that yet.

Let me chose when not to end our story, for you and them.

Into a continuity of a lifeless coexistence, when you lay awake like me!

Let me stay, me and you.

To save a story well written on your lips.

Let me, just, play the music a bit louder now that I can hear.

To remember about every time I’m in love with you.

Let me hold you tight, into the cold night.

To cheer on another night of letting it stay alive.

Not because we kill it each day, because it lives on for a better day.

Let me be here, with you, chasing it down.

Let me be here, till we make it thus far, till the ends of the earth,

If we ever find it!

running

Gentle-Wrong-Men, Right?

Let’s be not-belligerent here, nothing is ever perfect, especially men in relationships.

The momentum we have in going into a relationship as a man and keeping it up are always indirectly proportional to each other. It’s not, actually, as easy as it sounds for a man to put up with distinct aspects from his life. Deep down, it takes courage for any man, in whichever age-bracket, to come to terms with failure. Even more so when it comes to admitting it in front of a woman he loves. Therefore, many times a man will need not to be judged by his woman. Some say the strength of a woman is not in what she has endured or achieved in her life, but in how much she has uplifted her man when he was nothing but a dead beat. Well I’d say it takes courage for any feminist woman out there to accept such sentiments.

A simple sit down with a woman who wants to hear more about what lingers in your mind, appreciating how you articulate the language of your heart into words, and drive your dreams to manifest them into tangible reality goes a long way in a man’s book. A woman, who not only listens to your language, but is driven with initiative to act on it, deserves the best kind of love. And a man knows that deep down. Sex will no longer intrigue him the moment he crosses path with such a woman. What will fancy his liking is the desire to cherish quality moments with her, a desire to step forward in unfamiliar waters, chartered by the very few brave souls.

Molded men, often from self-enlightenment, will desire to initiate intimacy. Intimacy to open up hidden doors of love, that didn’t exist before you were acquitted. To connect so deeply that he’ll always be at the back of your mind. To establish a connection that is dangerously vivid even when 5 other women are giving him attention, you are the only one who has his. Another day to such men is nothing but a blessing to love you more, to care for you until you feel heaven on earth. Tailor-making attitudes along the way, learning, step by step, different ways to show you love. When life pushes him back, he has a reason to push back harder! Because of you! He won’t change because of you, but because life has delivered him to the weighing scales. Scales where he has to make a choice to either make one towards you which he will not regret, or take cowardly strides to be the same and lose a perfectly good woman. Not that all women are good, then again neither are they all bad.

At even given time of a man’s life, he knows exactly where he wants to be. And why he feels the desire to be there. Sometimes bad things happen, consistently, but it is at those moments that redefine how he sees you and your position in his life. So why not take your position as a woman and help him glide through murky waters. It might be long and weary, it might happen to the best of you, it might be dark and scary, but at the end of it all even stars shine brighter on a clear sky. He’ll be gentle in loving you, disciplined in loving you yet so motivated in life to bring a difference into your lives. Because of you, he will have the strength and passion to reach for the stars to light up your world. He will be going nowhere without you. You’ll be a compass in his hand.

So at the end of the day, any man who opens his heart to love is brave, yet so foolish in society’s view. For the gentle-wrong-man of the society, even after enjoying the fruity rewards of a woman, they’ll immediately tumble over to long for another woman’s embrace, indulging their lust with her. No matter how hard a gentleman will seek to love and cherish you, the reality of the matter will never change. He will become oblivious, his life destroyed the moment you separate his genitals with his brains. So what if men are compared to dogs? Dogs love unconditionally, loyal to a fault, self-sacrificing, protective of their loved ones, cute and fierce at the same time, a man’s best friend and the most consistent companion. They are known to even wait forever or starve themselves waiting for their master to come back. At extreme ends, dogs take long journeys just to be reunited with their families. The only bad side that crops up is when they are abused and they have to defend themselves with every wit in their bones.

But no, men are gentle creatures, misunderstood by a society that encourages stereotypical set branding and banishes any re-branding efforts to term our men as loving, caring, nurturing and hands down loyal to a cause. 277856

Men, Right?

Practically every man out there wants to fall in love. I don’t mean the buying a girl things and taking her out on rampant dates and traveling. It is about that intense love that gets a man to love a woman, unembarrassed to even talk about you over the casual drinks with the guys in a respectable manner. A place that nurtures a man, nourishes him to be a better version of him. Maybe that’s what it’s all about at times, the feel of belonging in her arms.

It takes a considerable amount of courage for any man to go down on one knee. He’ll have assessed a woman and monitored every angle of her beauty. And no, not physically but emotionally, spiritually just to mention a few. Love is beautiful, but for a man love is a constituent of various variables going from I like your beauty, to I want to impress you, to I love you with all the sorcery in between those stages!

For men to be deemed just physical creatures, i tend to understand that men want the simple precious things of life, not the complicated segments women come with:

If they miss you, they will dial your number up.

If they want to understand you, they will go out of their way to make sure they do.

If they are ever in doubt of something, you will be their go-to woman to seek out advice and possible steps to take.

If they need to meet you, trust that he will initiate everything to the extent of even casually picking you up from your door step, if need be.

No one will ever understand what goes on truly in a man’s mind when in love, until you forego your traditional knows and learn to see him from his perspective. If I can quote Who Moved My Cheese, it says that you should be able to adapt to change quickly, “the quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you can enjoy new cheese”. So why not leave that Stone Age mentality of what a man should be doing if he loves you, and savor your adventure with your man and enjoy the taste of new cheese with him of how he loves you.

Men will often breakdown, behind closed doors, when they are finally alone, why? Because society has brought on us the crown of dealing with the world as a stronger species, yet we are of the same species. Now that is not fair, but life itself is fair for treating each one of us unfairly, right?

Often stress creeps in and lurks behind his mind’s shadows, things get harder without a sight of “relief” anywhere near, and until he finds himself a nurturing woman that brings patience to his life to make him open his eyes that things will indeed get better if you only get through the bad. Assuring him that everything doesn’t have to happen right now but it will happen. She brings to his life, things that he could never buy her because she valued him for things he could only offer from within. So don’t wonder why your man has never broken down in-front of you yet you hear of tales of men who silently breakdown in front of their women behind closed doors. All men need it, that shoulder to cry on once in a while. When their path is destroyed, they will need someone to help them rebuild and prosper, not someone to leave because the taps ran dry.

As a man, one would need a firm support pillar, away from his peers, back at home that cracks due to immense pressure but never yields. A pillar so strong that drives him to jump out of bed each morning to make something out of nothing and return to that very same matrimonial bed satisfied but still hungry for the next day.

As impossible as it may seem, men need guidance. A little bit of push to go the extra mile. A pat the back for every deed done, regardless of its success or not! A bow acknowledging they are indeed loving their women right in their own capable way. A nod for their everyday efforts to be there for a woman they truly love.

Actually a man just needs to be seen. Not to be taken for granted. To be understood that no all will always be rosy with him, but he can help you see the beauty of the thorny parts if you stick around enough. And as sure as the beauty of a sunrise and sunset goes, he will buy you those heavenly-white fresh roses you love so much on the regular.

A man wants woman who keeps his emotions in check, and guides him in a spiritual journey that will not only transform him into a prayerful man, but one who walks with valor in his path because of it. A man will fight to keep a woman who supports him in his mental growth, spiritual strengthening and still have strength to love him.

After all, all that a man wants is a woman who makes him feel secure, remind him every day that he’s the only one she’ll ever want and love, and hold him tight consistently.

So, it’s only fair for man to find a woman that appreciates him for just being him. But then again, life is just that unfair, right?

…Wrong? (Part Two)

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